I’m hoping that if a little bit more time on my hands, I’ll start to write more music and playing more music. I’m in a better place where I understand what my music and writing mean to me. It’s a good thing, and my mind can be at peace.
I am not trying to take it anywhere or trying to pursue anything with it. I just really, really want to think about my music and what it means to me.
No more over analyzing or overthinking what phrases mean. Or thinking about what other people think about it.
Touring has made me realize that I was not meant to live my life as a musician. And I’m totally ok with that. Truly OK with that.
Touring has made me realize more of my strengths and weaknesses. Made me realize what I want more out of life. But I’m starting to see more and more what my purpose is in this world.
Hello from Casper, Wyoming. Not much to do here since there is one Uber in town and we are actually 20 minutes outside of Casper. Either way, happy for a day off.
Before this last run in South Dakota, I decided to fly out early to stay at my grandma’s house for a couple of days. It was probably one of the best decisions I’ve made in a while.
Just to give you an idea of my grandma’s house:
She lives out in the middle of woods in Custer, South Dakota. There are no city streets and you can see every star in the sky at night. It is truly a beautiful experience. Sometimes I think I’m in a scary movie it is so remote.
My grandma died on my birthday three and a half years ago. She was a great person and a talented artist. My grandma went to school for seven years with her masters in art education. She painted very well and she drew like it was real life figures. I cried when I walked into her house and all the paintings were still up. It is what she would have wanted. She didn’t paint for anyone else besides herself.
I know I write mostly about music artists, but I think it’s important to address all the different kinds of artists in the world. My grandma died a true artist and she was one of the best ones who went undiscovered.
Rest in Peace Grandma
I will say this. Getting back into the swing of touring again, is another roller coaster in itself. Trying to get the right amount of sleep, on top of remembering to eat and then, of course, remembering if you showered that day or the night before. Did I mention you still have to do your job?!
Do I think I want to do this for the rest of my life? I don’t know. It does take a special person to live on a tour bus a be a 20-year roadie. To give up your weekends completely. To live your life on the road on someone else’s schedule. To eat catering food three times a day and it may or may not be good food.
Are there perks to the job? Of course! Lots of perks. First off, you are working a show. I’ve spent PLENTY of money going to shows before I started working in the industry. Secondly, you do have time to have fun. Like I created Balloon Girl On Tour. It’s pretty much an inside joke between friends. But if you want to catch a glimpse of my adventures, feel free to follow on Instagram: @balloongirlontour
I went to another show, yes, another show that I wasn’t working! How Fabulous!
There are still a handful of bands that I have yet to see or really want to see. Either I miss their show or just missed opportunities for shows.
One of my favorite “emo” bands is The Spill Canvas. For as long as I can remember being emo in middle school, I would listen to this band on repeat.
It was a little bit of nostalgia for me because I never saw them live before. I thought I did with Fall Out Boy a long time ago, but I’m going to say probably not.
If you don’t’ know who they are, you should check them out. Especially if you do like bands such as New Found Glory and Simple Plan. These guys are part of that era and part of a huge part of my growing up.
If you get the chance to see them, they are on tour now and tickets are priced about $12/15 dollars.
Below is a song that will forever be a classic in my heart.
I’ve briefly mentioned before, I used to write all the time. Not write as in like blog writing, but songwriting. I’m not very good at it. I get these crazy ideas, they bottle up inside me and they never go anywhere. It feels like I’m trying to say something but I can’t complete the sentence.
It sounds like the story of my life, but I understand why songwriting is such an art. There’s a beauty to it. Some people get it, some don’t.
As I’m writing this right now, I’m literally pulling my hair out because I’m trying to figure out my point.
For the first time in months, I finally picked up my keyboard. It’s currently sitting on my bed but I was finally playing for the first time in a long time.
So now where do I go from here? Do I keep it to myself? Do I let others know what I’m doing? What thing is for certain- my birthday is coming up and I feel like I’m missing something in my life.
Maybe songwriting can help me figure it out. Don’t believe me- I wrote the lyrics to the song below.
For the first time ever, I really enjoy being home for Christmas. I haven’t done much since I have been here but living in nostalgia… Is that how you use it?
Anyways, I’m really excited because my dad got me a keyboard/synthesizer and I’m bringing back my saxophone to Nashville. Needless to say, I hope I get my musicianship back and hope that things will be great next year.
As I told my parents last night, I want to do it all. I want to be able to say everything I’ve ever wanted to do, I conquered and did well at it.
Music is always one of my biggest obstacles, I’ve always been able to play and read. And I was once really, really good. But life got in the way, so I hope this time it doesn’t.
Do I need a bit of practice, sure, I’ll admit it! But at one point in time, everyone did.
I hope that everything falls into place.
It’s been a while since I’ve written a post.
Unfortunately, my computer was stolen and it put my blogging on a hiatus. I’m so sorry for those of you who actually read my blog.
Update on my life, I’m working a lot for a merchandising company,as a brand ambassador and doing some freelancing for live events on the side. I thought I was going to be going on tour, but it looks like another plan on mine fell through. However, I’m going to keep fighting and keep going because I have a goal to be on tour. Because all I have at this point is myself, my self worth and the people who believe in me.
I have a passion for my life and those who are involved. It may seem that people think I’m crazy because, well because I am.
And I’m OK with that.
All anyone needs to know, is I’m going to keep plugging along like I’ve always have.
As of now… I’m OK.